You must first be your own change
“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength”
Starting with ourselves
Over 3000 books and half a million videos have been published about the principles of influence. However, what they have to say is only half the message. To influence others, we have to be able to change ourselves first. We can't just change the things around us without having a plan for how we're going to change ourselves. Improving ourselves from the inside out allows us to focus on being deliberate when we go out into the world. This way, we have a plan for showing up and making an impact on the world.
Switching off the auto-pilot
So often, we go through life on autopilot, barely conscious as we prepare for the day. We roll out of bed, complete our morning chores half-asleep, and down a cup of coffee—all before finally showing up on the first Zoom call of the morning, wondering why we feel exhausted before the day has even begun. We're not fully awake when we start our day. It feels like someone else is driving the ship. The coffee helps for a while, but it wears off quickly and leaves us snapping at our coworkers and feeling scattered. The autopilot takes over again and we trudge through the day until it's time to come home and collapse into bed.
Knowing and strengthening the world within
“If you do something from a pissed off state, from an exhausted state, from a frustrated state, from a weak state, it won’t matter what you do. The thoughts are weak when you’re in a weak place. The actions are weak.” - Tony Robbins
We are vulnerable when we are tired, stressed, hungry, fearful or feeling threatened. This means reducing the number of interactions and decisions when our inner game is weak. We need to focus on our strengthen our inner game because it is the source of our strength.
World within. World without. In the world within there is a cause, and in the world without there is an effect. So start with the world within. The question we have to ask ourselves every morning is “What do I need to ‘be’ to have positive interactions throughout the day?” What can I change in me that will help me have a positive day?” Start with the world within, and then take action in the world without. What can I do today that will have a positive effect on my relationships?
To improve your inner game, consider these three things
Self Knowledge
The first step is to understand yourself. This begins with an honest assessment. You must ask questions about your motivation, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, habits, desires, fears and the things that excite you. You must be brutally honest with yourself. If you are not willing to be honest about your strengths and weaknesses then you will never improve. Your weakness are an opportunity for growth. You must also understand what leads you to be happy or unhappy. You must understand what leads you to success or failure. Just as important as knowing what leads to success is knowing what leads to failure because avoiding failure is often half the battle to success. Know yourself first.
Presence
The second aspect of your Inner Game is to be aware of the moment and understand how it is affecting you. This is known as Presence! You must learn to observe yourself in any moment of decision or adversity or happiness without judgment. Being present means NOT being judgmental of your thoughts, words or actions. Accept whatever comes up without identifying with it as being either true or false. What this does is eliminate any prejudgments about how you should behave or react in any moment so that you can respond truthfully rather than react to outside stimuli without necessary thought. Everyone knows that you need presence, but how do you know when you don't have it? Just ask yourself: "Am I tired, angry, fearful, etc.?" Are you having a meaningful conversation? If not, pause and collect yourself.
Presence is very important. It allows us allows us to experience and appreciate what is around us. How we connect to others depends on how we are able to be present with them during our interactions. Being self-aware allows one to be more thoughtful and intentional. Being present enables one to closely observe the changes in themselves and others.
I realized at age twenty five that my depression was something I had suffered with my whole adult life. At that point, I decided to take control of it instead of trying to figure out why I was depressed. Over the next ten years, my turning point came when I realized that my focus should be on what I feel instead of trying to judge and analyze every emotion. By pausing to observe how my emotions affected me—but staying detached enough not to judge the emotions—I could gain enough distance to cope with them more successfully.
So what is a good tool to cultivate presence? A technique we can all use is used by sailors. Anchors. To stay in the present moment, we can use anchors for our awareness. The breath is an easy anchor, as it is with us constantly. In the morning, take a few breaths to anchor yourself in the present moment, and use this technique to stay grounded during the day.
Visualization
The third step in the Inner Game is Visualization which helps you imagine the impact you want to make before it happens so that it happens with greater effectiveness and power! Here's an example: A young woman preparing for a job interview would do well to sit down and visualize her interviewer asking various questions and how she responded appropriately based on the question asked without the pressure of knowing how she would answer questions before she actually heard them. Instead of sitting down and worrying and thinking about all the things she's done wrong and could possibly go wrong during an interview she sits down and visualizes herself making a great impression and getting the job! This visualization exercise removes her fear of 'what if' and puts her in a place where anything can happen and helps her stay calm cool and collected throughout her interview