Questions: Foundation for a successful life
“I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of human excellence is to question oneself and others.”
Questions are to conversation what fuel is to a fire. Both keep the flow going and both need to be properly tended. Great questions are the foundation for a successful life.
Asking open ended questions is hard, because you never know what you'll get back. Being able to surrender to the abyss of uncertainty creates a connection with the audience. “What do you look for in a partner?” invites a dialogue, instead of “Do you find me attractive?” or “Where you love to travel?” versus “Have you been to Japan?” Open ended question forces us to be more present with the audience. Good questions can create richer connections. In a recent survey, 79% of women said that a man asking good questions during a first date showed that he was “genuinely curious and interested,” which according to them makes it more likely to build a connection.
A good open-ended question gives the other person the chance to pause and reflect on the situation. In a discussion, it draws out the thoughts and objections behind someone’s viewpoint. In a tense situation, it takes out the hostility from a potentially confrontational statement. Great questions come from a place of mindfulness, intention to understand and a passion to serve.
Mindful listening comes next.
Understanding what questions to ask in different situations is important. Below are some examples:
Learning about a situation
What is the biggest challenge you face?
What does your team need that isn't being done now?
How will you measure success? What does success look like?
How will you like me to proceed?
What is stopping you to go after your dream?
If you were a book, what would be your synopsis?
What is an accomplishment you are proud of?
Dispute resolution
How can I help to make things better?
What would help achieve your goals?
How can we solve this problem?
How did you arrive at that conclusion?
What do you think would be the next step for us to take together?
How does this _____ violate our previous agreement?
Prepare for a meeting
What is the end game here? How to define success? What is the objective?
What is the expected outcome of this meeting?
What questions need to be answered to have the expected outcome?
What can I do to know who I am meeting today? What are the other party's primary goals for this discussion? Why are they there?
How can I help with that?
Self Reflection & Care
What matters most to me?
What am I assuming? What I need to stop assuming?
How can I stay connected to the present moment?
What is the trigger to pause or slow down? How do I identify that I need to take a pause?
How do I remind myself to not take anything personally? How do I not make me about me?
What would you do if you weren't afraid?
How do I feel after I exercise? How do I get more of that feeling?
How do I get ready for the day to get the best results?
What am I after and how do hold it in my head everyday?